The news is abuzz with the latest research, suggesting that chocolate -- specifically, one of the ingredients, epicatechin -- is one of the most important medical discoveries since penicillin.
Why? Apparently, folks in the Kuna tribe, near Panama, have incredibly low rates of stroke, hypertension, heart disease and cancer. They also drink an average of 5 cups of cocoa per day.
The stuff appears to be a great antiinflammatory drug, as well as an immunomodulator which helps to prevent cancer. What the hell... let's say it's a great antidepressant, antipsychotic, and antianxiety treatment. We three shrinks are going to open up a posh, inpatient psychiatric program, called The Cocoa Retreat, where i.v, i.m, and p.o. forms of chocolate flow ad lib. You can bathe in it, too, because (of course) it prevents wrinkles. We will only take cash (or its equivalent in cocoa).