Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Things I Wish I Could Blog About

I wish I could blog about my patients. I really really wish I could blog about my patients. I hear some wild stories. But I can't blog about my patients: it would be a violation of their confidentiality.

I wish I could blog about how my work makes me feel in a completely honest way. But I can't blog about how I feel in a completely transparent way: this is a blog and not my private journal.

I wish I could blog about the things that annoy me. Sometimes I do.

I wish I could blog about a legal case I reviewed recently, but I can't blog about that because it would be really stupid.

I wish I could blog about the stuff I know from being an officer of our state psychiatric society but I can't blog about those things because I can't.

I wish I could blog about the things I hear people say that other shrinks do that don't seem quite right to me. I can't because I'm not always sure that I'm in the right and it's good to at least try to stay humble.

Sometimes stuff happens, and I think I'll write about it, save it to drafts, and publish it months and months later when the moment has passed. I never do this.

I wish Clink would blog about mental illness and violence, and what issues might be considered regarding the tragedy in Arizona.

I wish Roy would write more about the zillions of things his mile-a-minute brain turns over in any given hour. He thinks a lot about hospital psychiatry and public policy and technology and how electronic medical records may help medicine.

It's bad enough that I wish for me what I could write, so I'll leave the others alone, but while I'm wishing.....

I wish I was either never hungry, or better yet, that I had a metabolism that could buzz through 4,000 calories a day of mostly ice cream and pizza. And while I'm at it, I wish I truly loved to exercise, that I was naturally athletic and could carry a tune and sing with a beautiful voice. If all these things were true, I might blog about some of them.

I wish I could blog about the things in my own head that make me a little nuts. One of the things about being a shrink is that one vaguely puts on the pretense of being sort of sane, at least in a public setting.

I wish I could blog about my trials as a parent, but I'm not sure what that would lend and there are moments it wouldn't make me very popular. It's really hard to be totally transparent about all the issues that being a mom brings up and sometimes the feelings I have-- for better and for worse-- get echoed by my patients.

Thank you for reading Shrink Rap.


NeoNurseChic said...

Love this post!!! While I cannot directly relate, I can relate on many levels from my own little corner of the world. :)

And right on about wishing you could burn thru 4000 calories a day - mine is mostly in the form of caffeinated energy drinks, however. Yay school. :-P

Anyway - great post!!! :)

Sarebear said...

I like this post! Now I'll be dreaming of giant, calorie free scoops of ice cream. Ala the ice cream scenes in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Not that they were calorie free for the characters involved lol. But this is my dream, so it goes the way I want, hee.

HappyOrganist said...

We love hearing what you DO blog about, Dinah ;D

p.s. I have the metabolism that you envy. Just thought I'd say that. ;D

Your writing is wonderful as is; keep it up! =)

Milo said...

I am so sorry. You sound sad.
I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Try coconut oil. When I was taking a couple of tablespoons a day, it completely eliminated my sweet cravings and I lost a few pounds.

Since I stopped taking it, I have been eating junk food again and I think those pounds came back. Time to get back on it.

By the way, the medical literature is wrong that this is bad for you. It actually has alot of benefits.

It is also cheap.

About Clink, you said, "I wish Clink would blog about mental illness and violence, and what issues might be considered regarding the tragedy in Arizona."

I wish she would also. I have many concerns that I am too tired to write about right now. So I would love to read her views on this.


Anonymous said...

Interesting post. You wish you could blog about all kinds of personal issues. Leaving aside the wish to blog about your patients, which you know you cannot do, it is more interesting that you wish you blog about you feel about your work, about your profession, about your family life. I suppose that you could start a truly anonymous blog and not divulge your city, your name, the books you have written...You could set up a blog that looks as though it is is written by an entirely different person. But that would not be much different than writing in a journal and you would not have the satisfaction of being known or seen in the ways you wish for. So I think Milo is correct. You sound a bit sad, lonesome, not truly heard. Moviedoc would probably not agree, but it sounds like you need a dose of psychotherapy. Not meds--that would only add to the weight woes. If you don't need therapy, you do need a very good friend, but how many friends want to listen to such a long list? And how many friends will keep your truest feelings to themselves?
Or maybe it is January, which in itself is a drag. Or maybe now that the book is written, you need to find a new goal. Or maybe the ages of your kids plus the completion of the book has you focused on growing older and all that comes with that.
Or maybe you are a bit of an exhibitionist and need lots of recognition. Or maybe you feel that you lack a deep connection with others. To be honest, sitting in an office, taking in other peoples' problems, maintaining your therapist's composure and empathy, you are , after all this time, DRAINED, and wanting someone to listen to you that way, imagining that a blog could serve such a purpose if only you could blog about your real self. And maybe that is why Angry Birds is a welcome release, except you may have discovered that it is also not really fulfilling your needs.
Wishing you the best--you are great at what you do.

Anonymous said...

I wish you could blog about your patients - it might make me feel like less of an anomaly in what I suffer. And I wish you would blog about how your work makes you feel - I often wonder how psychiatrists deal with the things they hear and whether the payoff of helping people balances out the difficult times.

Oracle at D said...

Great post! I hear you! Especially, the longing. That's why the title of my blog, and why I use a nom de plume. He he he You too could break free....

synergesta said...

I love this post, too. I wish you could be my friend and join in the monthly "shrink dinner" I attend at a local restaurant with 3 other (female) private practice psychiatrists. That is not the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane but it helps-- along with computer solitaire, Hulu, my iPod (audiobooks, the Archers..), having a few friends to talk to, and FOOD! My metabolism must be like yours, as is my lack of exercise enthusiasm. But spending 12 hours /day sitting and an alarming middle age weight gain has led me to conclude that I must move around more.
I agree that what you are able to write on your blog is much appreciated, and as to coconut oil, *sigh*.

Jess said...

I wish you could, too.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your feedback, everyone!

I'm not sure I believe there is such a thing as anonymous blogging....I've felt safer not having any illusion about my identity. Remember "Flea."

Sad? Maybe I was a bit when I posted this. Not the sort of sad one needs sympathy for, however.

I love food so the wish for a superfast metabolism is a lifelong thing. I sort of thought everyone wishes for this (or at least a majority of Americans). I'm not so sure about the coconut oil idea. I did read about someone who lost weight drinking olive oil and you know, that didn't inspire me either.

Synergista: Where are you? Can I come to dinner?

Milo said...

no offence intended. I was just trying to send my warmest thoughts...

Sunny CA said...

It did not sound sad to me. It sounded rather amusing to me, and and left me thinking that it is a miracle there's enough left to write that you are able to create a blog.

And gosh! I'd like a bit of that dream to have food not affect one's figure! I have been battling my weight since I was 18 years old, and after 40 years of food restrictions it is really old and I still am not as thin as I want (and even verge on being obese).

Great blog!! I am grateful you post what you are able to post, and love your confabulated accounts of real-ish sort of things.

I have also been hoping you'll do a post on the Arizona killings, but had the concept in mind that I would want to know what type(s) of mental disorder could result in such a thing.

Anonymous said...


This isn't an issue of having to be inspired. It simply involves a willingness to try something different that may or may not work. But you really don't have much to lose except perhaps the money you spent on the coconut oil which is around $7 to $9.

Anyway, put a tablespoon on your salad starting out. Don't change anything else about your diet and see if your abnormal cravings decrease.

If nothing changes, slowly increase the amount.

If you get a point where the thought of taking it doesn't appeal to you, then simply stop.

Synergesta, I would greatly appreciate a more respectful response to an idea than a sigh. It is fine to respectfully disagree but I don't fell a sigh qualifies. Thanks!


synergesta said...

Dinah, I'm in Philly!

Dear AA, please accept my apology and an explanation. I meant "sigh" in that I am currently overwhelmed by just getting to the gym 3 mornings a week and being in the contemplation stage of diet re-design, in addition to my practice, family stuff, a new contract with Verizon that is not exactly perfect... TMI :)
I did not mean "eyeroll" or a dismissal of the idea of using coconut oil, just that it's yet another thing. But I do know a colleague who has had good results using it. My knowledge of medium chain triglycerides in diets is minuscule. My general attitude towards novel approaches in healthcare is that if it isn't proven harmful then in moderation it probably can't hurt and might help. I am glad it works for you, and I will probably eventually try it. (with a sigh.)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for clarifying Synergesta.

I definitely understand about being overwhelmed with too many things to take care of. I could see how a suggestion to try something new could result in a sigh.