Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Holiday Greetings, Approved by Our Lawyers and Institutional Review Boards

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, and with respect for the religious persuasions of others or their choice not to practice a religion at all; a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to our society have helped make our country great.  This greeting is being sent to all without regard to political party, race, creed, color, religion, nationality, immigration status, sexual preferences, gender identity roles, physical or mental capacity, literacy, or marital & civil union status. 

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or for others.  The implementation of those wishes, however, should be done in a manner that is compatible with the policies set forth by the Americans with Disabilities Act.  It is in no way to be construed as effecting a contractual obligation of any sort on the part of either the wisher or wishee.

This winter greeting is HIPAA compliant.  Your acceptance of our greeting will not be released to parties other than insurers, pharmaceutical companies, and market research institutions. If you wish to accept our holiday greeting, please read the six page document that accompanies this greeting and check the box that says "I have read and accept the terms of this winter greeting."  Please note that these terms are not negotiable, but they can be exchanged for another holiday greeting for a 10% restocking fee.