tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post5925832171805139783..comments2024-03-18T03:28:36.581-04:00Comments on Shrink Rap: Ladies' Night OutUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-57090882505729524902007-04-16T14:29:00.000-04:002007-04-16T14:29:00.000-04:00I divorced my husband of 24 years in 1999. My son,...I divorced my husband of 24 years in 1999. My son, who was 18 at that time, has not spoken to me since. <BR/><BR/>My husband filled his head with lies and half-truths and regardless should have kept the kids out of it like I had tried to do over the years when he was being stupid and doing irrational things.<BR/><BR/>He knew what would hurt me most and he did. Through my baby.Surgeon In My Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13179150077622941677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-7630399363759988822007-04-14T22:21:00.000-04:002007-04-14T22:21:00.000-04:00MWAK, once upon a time that's what they did with k...MWAK, once upon a time that's what they did with kids---in the nineteenth century only the father had a "right" to the child since children were essentially considered property. In the Twentieth Century we developed what's known as the "tender years" doctrine, meaning that young children (of "tender years") were best left with the mother, leading to a maternal preference for child custody. The current standard is the "best interests" standard, in other words custody should be awarded on what's best for the kid. (It took a while for society to figure this solution out.) Nevertheless, biological parentage still plays a large role in determining custody (IMHO) even when a non-biologically related adult seems to be functioning as a reasonable caretaker and the child is bonded to him or her.<BR/><BR/>Ania: Yes, that would be best. I'm not too hopeful though when over half of marriages end in divorce now. Presumably some of those divorcees even grew up in households with intact parenting relationships.ClinkShrinkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13316134491751195651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-36761832272738136722007-04-14T17:58:00.000-04:002007-04-14T17:58:00.000-04:00"I just hope they manage their own custody issues ...<I><B>"I just hope they manage their own custody issues as well when they're adults."</I></B><BR/><BR/>Or that, against the odds, they manage to escape the circumstances and/or decision <I>pattern</I> that leads to the breakup that results in custody issues in the first place.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-88473412617400935042007-04-14T17:41:00.000-04:002007-04-14T17:41:00.000-04:00My theory is that every parent messes up, but it d...My theory is that every parent messes up, but it depends on what their underlying intentions are. If they are trying their hardest to do the right thing, and if their motives are out of ultimate love for the child, then I guess I feel more internally forgiving. However, even if they do have non self-serving motives, it doesn't mean that the child won't grow up to have some major dysfunctions. Just because they meant really well doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt the kid somehow.<BR/><BR/>Children are often used as pawns, and it is very depressing. And what's worse is when right from the start, the mother has the child in order to fix her life. These things never seem to turn out well...NeoNurseChichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16120931307124798416noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-25292030216995976282007-04-14T17:07:00.000-04:002007-04-14T17:07:00.000-04:00It makes me sad that children are so often used as...It makes me sad that children are so often used as pawns in marital (or, rather, soon-to-be-ex-marital) battles.<BR/><BR/>Sigh.Gerbilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05908487212760713496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-47708322701430474922007-04-14T16:13:00.000-04:002007-04-14T16:13:00.000-04:00Hm... very interesting. For whatever reason, prob...Hm... very interesting. For whatever reason, probably ignorance, I'd always imagined that custody decisions were made on who had the most "right" to the child. I like imagining that someone's out there like you, trying to make the decisions based on what's best for the kid.Midwife with a Knifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04309579302399381913noreply@blogger.com